Some of the Oracle real life messages...

Q. What if your Dad loses his car keys?
A. 'Parent keys not found!'

Q. What if your old girl friend spots you with your new one?
A. 'Duplicate value on index!'

Q. What if the golf ball doesn't get into the hole at all?
A. 'Value larger than specified precision!'

Q. What if you don't get any response from the girl next door?
A. 'No data found!' or ' Query caused no rows retrieved!'

Q. What if you dial a wrong number?
A. 'Invalid number' or ' Object doesn't exist!'

Q. What if you try to beat your own trumpet?
A. 'Object is found mutating!'

Q. What if you are too late to office and the boss catches you?
A. 'Discrete transaction failed!'

Q. What if you see 'theatre full' when you go to a movie?
A. 'Maximum number of users exceeded!'

Q. What if you don't get table in the lunch room?
A. 'System out of tablespace!'

The Leave Applications

Infosys , Bangalore :
An employee applied for leave as follows:
'Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife , please sanction me one-week leave.'

This is from Oracle Bangalore:
From an employee who was performing the 'mundan' ceremony of his 10 year old son:
'as I want to shave my son's head , please leave me for two days..'


From H.A.L. Administration Dept:
'As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it , please grant me 10 days leave.'

Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:


'Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return , please grant me half day casual leave'

An incident of a leave letter:
'I am suffering from fever , please declare one-day holiday.'

A leave letter to the headmaster:
'As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today'

Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
'As my headache is paining , please grant me leave for the day.'

Covering note:
'I am enclosed herewith...'

Another Note:
'Dear Sir: with reference to the above , please refer to my below...'

Letter writing:
'I am well here and hope you are also in the same well.'

Team Dialogues

(When you join the project) -
"Please don't hesitate to come to me any time for any technical or
domain help"


(When you go to him for help) -
"You can find it out man.... Can't you?
Search in the books, and try to find it out yourself."


(When you 'try to find it out yourself') -
"You can't waste time like this. You should've come to me for help. We
have to deliver .Come to my place"


(When you go to him for help, again) -
"Don't make any changes in the code now. Come up with a document for
impact analysis by lunch"


(When you go to him Just before lunch) -
"So, what have you done since morning? This document? Shall we deliver
this? How many lines of coding did you do?............. See, this is
not the way we should work"


(When you go to him 1 hr after lunch, with a small amount of coding
-that's all what's necessary ) -
"Only this much of coding since morning!!!" (Probably, you could've
added the lyrics of a Hindi song in your code to make it look healthy).
"Change here, ......... change there, ............. Add
here,................ Modify there . Do it NOW"



(When you go to him with the changes suggested by him) -
"Who asked you to do these? Everything's wrong here. See, this is not
the way we should work..............."



(Every 10 minutes) -
"So? What's the status??


Lucky I am not in such a Team....

Types of Computer Girls ( Computer Humor )

CD-ROM GIRLS
She is always faster and faster.

EMAIL GIRLS
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense .

HARD DISK GIRLS
She remembers everything, FOREVER

INTERNET GIRLS
Difficult to access

MULTIMEDIA GIRLS
She make horrible thing look beautiful

SCREENSAVER GIRLS
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun

RAM GIRLS
forget about you, the moment turn her off

WINDOW GIRLS
Everyone know that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.

VIRUS GIRLS
Also known as "wife'' when you are not expecting her, she comes, install herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything...

SERVER GIRLS
Always busy when you need her.

Mathematician in love

My Dear SweetHeart,
Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in trigonometric lane.

There I saw you with your cute circular face,conical nose and spherical eyes,standing in your triangular garden.

Before seeing you my heart was a null set, but when a vector of magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians made a tangent to my heart, it differentiated.

My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots, which only you can solve by making good binary relation with me.

The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity.

I promise that I should not resolve you into partial functions but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits from zero to infinity.

You are as essential to me as an element to a set.

The geometry of my life revolves around your acute personality.

My love, if you do not meet me at parabola restaurant on date 10 at sunset, when the sun is making an angle of 160 degrees, my heart would be like a solved polynomial of degree 10.

With love from your higher order derivatives of maxima and minima, of an unknown function.

Uncommon Windows Shortcuts

CTRL+SHIFT while dragging an item (Create a shortcut to the selected item)
F2 key (Rename the selected item)
CTRL+SHIFT with any of the arrow keys (Highlight a block of text)
SHIFT with any of the arrow keys (Select more than one item in a window or on the desktop, or select text in a document)
F3 key (Search for a file or a folder)
ALT+ENTER (Display the properties of the selected object)
CTRL+F4 (Close the active document in programs that enable you to have multiple documents open simultaneously)
ALT+TAB (Switch between the open items)
ALT+ESC (Cycle through items in the order that they had been opened)
F6 key (Cycle through the screen elements in a window or on the desktop)
F4 key (Display the Address bar list in My Computer or Windows Explorer)
SHIFT+F10 (Display the shortcut menu for the selected item)
ALT+SPACEBAR (Display the System menu for the active window)
CTRL+ESC (Display the Start menu)
F10 key (Activate the menu bar in the active program)

Some of Windows Run Commands

Certificate Manager : certmgr.msc

Character Map : charmap

Check Disk Utility : chkdsk

Clipboard Viewer : clipbrd

Command Prompt : cmd

Component Services : dcomcnfg

Computer Management : compmgmt.msc

Date and Time Properties : timedate.cpl

DDE Shares : ddeshare

Device Manager : devmgmt.msc

Direct X Control Panel (If Installed)* : directx.cpl

Direct X Troubleshooter : dxdiag

Disk Cleanup Utility : cleanmgr

Disk Defragment : dfrg.msc