A Funny Comparison

Love Marriage: Resembles procedural programming language. We have some set functions like going to movies together, making long conversations on phone and then try to fit all functions to the candidate we like.

Arranged Marriage: Similar to object oriented programming approach.We first fix the candidate and then try to implement functions on her. The main object is fixed and various functions are added to supplement the main program. The functions can be added or deleted.

Love Marriage: It is a throwaway type of prototype as client requirements rises with time thus it is a dynamic system and difficult to maintain.

Arranged Marriage: Requirements are well defined so use of waterfall model is possible.

Love Marriage: Family system hangs because hardware called parents are not responding.

Arranged Marriage: Compatible with hardware Parents.

Love Marriage: You are the project leader so u are responsible for implementation and execution of PROJECT- married life.

Arranged Marriage: You are a team member under project leader parents so they are responsible for successful execution of project Married life.

Love Marriage: Client expectations include exciting feature as spouse cooking food, washing clothes etc.

Arranged Marriage: All these features are covered in the SRS as required features.

Love Marriage: Acceptance test possible you can try before you Buy.

Latest Version of ABCD.....

Yae
Bee
See
Dee
Eee
Yef
Jee
Hetch
Ai
Jae
Kae
Yel
Yem
Yen
Oh
Pee
Kyu
Aar
Yes
Tea
You
We
DoubleYou
Eks
Why
zed

Sardarji Virus....

Dear Receiver....
I am Sardarji Virus. Since I am not so technically
advanced, this is a MANUAL virus. Please delete all
the files on your hard disk yourself and send this
email to everyone you know.
Thank you very much for helping me.

Sardarji Virus.

If you have been in IT industry too long these are your symptoms...

1.) U use phrases like "No issues" and "Value addition" in everyday parlance. For e.g. When talking about your Milkman, U say, "His milk does zero value addition to my health but he is the only guy around so no issues"

2.) Ur prime source of entertainment is the forwards send to U by friends whose faces U cant remember.

3.) U drink more tea or coffee than water.

4.) U keep trying to shut down ur home computer by pressing Ctrl+Alt+Del (used to lock office comps)

5.) When ur mobile rings at home, U rush outside to receive thecall.

6.) When U make calls at home, U accidentally dial "0"to get an outside line.

7.) U haven't played Solitaire with real cards in years.

8.) U try to open Lift and House Doors using Access card.

9.) U spend the entire day reading forwards, drinking tea/coffee and playing T.T. and then complain about the late working hours.

10.) Ur important 'meetings' usually comprise two or three people max, including yourself.

11) U secretly prepare for CAT only to find ur PL sitting behind you at the exam.

12.) U keep pressing Ctrl+Enter wondering why your gmail is not going.

13.) U email ur mate who works at the desk next to U.

Electronic Invitation

You are electronically invited on the marriage occasion of
Mr. TRANSISTOR BC107 ,
(working as amplifier in "CE" configuration)
With
Miss. DIODE IN4007,
(working as a rectifier in Electronic Circuits)
The only Daughter of Mr & Mrs. Silicon and Germanium
MUHURTAM May 30, 2K6 @ 10-45 Amplitude Modulation
VENUE At Peizo Electric Palace, Near Wein Bridge, Nyquist criterion Road-2,
Electricity -508085.

Yours inductively
Mr&Mrs. ADC DAC,
Near P-N Junction, IC Road , Zener breakdown.

With BEST COMPLIMENTS FROM,
Inductor, Resistor, Capacitor, Transformer Near & Dear
Note: Musical Ni ght By Motors and Generators
Chief Guest: LED's And LCD's

Hello World Programs .....

High School/Jr.High


10 PRINT "HELLO WORLD"
20 END

First year in College

program Hello(input, output)
begin
writeln('Hello World')
end.

Senior year in College

(defun hello
(print
(cons 'Hello (list 'World))))

New professional

#include
void main(void)
{
char *message[] = {"Hello ", "World"};
int i;

for(i = 0; i < 2; ++i)
printf("%s", message);
printf("\n");
}

Seasoned professional

#include
#include

class string
{
private:
int size;
char *ptr;

public:
string() : size(0), ptr(new char('\0')) {}

string(const string &s) : size(s.size)
{
ptr = new char[size + 1];
strcpy(ptr, s.ptr);
}

~string()
{
delete [] ptr;
}

friend ostream &operator <<(ostream &, const string &);
string &operator=(const char *);
};

ostream &operator<<(ostream &stream, const string &s)
{
return(stream << s.ptr);
}

string &string::operator=(const char *chrs)
{
if (this != &chrs)
{
delete [] ptr;
size = strlen(chrs);
ptr = new char[size + 1];
strcpy(ptr, chrs);
}
return(*this);
}

int main()
{
string str;

str = "Hello World";
cout << str << endl;

return(0);
}

Master Programmer

[
uuid(2573F8F4-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820)
]
library LHello
{
// bring in the master library
importlib("actimp.tlb");
importlib("actexp.tlb");

// bring in my interfaces
#include "pshlo.idl"

[
uuid(2573F8F5-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820)
]
cotype THello
{
interface IHello;
interface IPersistFile;
};
};

[
exe,
uuid(2573F890-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820)
]
module CHelloLib
{

// some code related header files
importheader();
importheader();
importheader();
importheader("pshlo.h");
importheader("shlo.hxx");
importheader("mycls.hxx");

// needed typelibs
importlib("actimp.tlb");
importlib("actexp.tlb");
importlib("thlo.tlb");

[
uuid(2573F891-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820),
aggregatable
]
coclass CHello
{
cotype THello;
};
};


#include "ipfix.hxx"

extern HANDLE hEvent;

class CHello : public CHelloBase
{
public:
IPFIX(CLSID_CHello);

CHello(IUnknown *pUnk);
~CHello();

HRESULT __stdcall PrintSz(LPWSTR pwszString);

private:
static int cObjRef;
};


#include
#include
#include
#include
#include "thlo.h"
#include "pshlo.h"
#include "shlo.hxx"
#include "mycls.hxx"

int CHello::cObjRef = 0;

CHello::CHello(IUnknown *pUnk) : CHelloBase(pUnk)
{
cObjRef++;
return;
}

HRESULT __stdcall CHello::PrintSz(LPWSTR pwszString)
{
printf("%ws\n", pwszString);
return(ResultFromScode(S_OK));
}


CHello::~CHello(void)
{

// when the object count goes to zero, stop the server
cObjRef--;
if( cObjRef == 0 )
PulseEvent(hEvent);

return;
}

#include
#include
#include "pshlo.h"
#include "shlo.hxx"
#include "mycls.hxx"

HANDLE hEvent;

int _cdecl main(
int argc,
char * argv[]
) {
ULONG ulRef;
DWORD dwRegistration;
CHelloCF *pCF = new CHelloCF();

hEvent = CreateEvent(NULL, FALSE, FALSE, NULL);

// Initialize the OLE libraries
CoInitializeEx(NULL, COINIT_MULTITHREADED);

CoRegisterClassObject(CLSID_CHello, pCF, CLSCTX_LOCAL_SERVER,
REGCLS_MULTIPLEUSE, &dwRegistration);

// wait on an event to stop
WaitForSingleObject(hEvent, INFINITE);

// revoke and release the class object
CoRevokeClassObject(dwRegistration);
ulRef = pCF->Release();

// Tell OLE we are going away.
CoUninitialize();

return(0); }

extern CLSID CLSID_CHello;
extern UUID LIBID_CHelloLib;

CLSID CLSID_CHello = { /* 2573F891-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820 */
0x2573F891,
0xCFEE,
0x101A,
{ 0x9A, 0x9F, 0x00, 0xAA, 0x00, 0x34, 0x28, 0x20 }
};

UUID LIBID_CHelloLib = { /* 2573F890-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820 */
0x2573F890,
0xCFEE,
0x101A,
{ 0x9A, 0x9F, 0x00, 0xAA, 0x00, 0x34, 0x28, 0x20 }
};

#include
#include
#include
#include
#include
#include "pshlo.h"
#include "shlo.hxx"
#include "clsid.h"

int _cdecl main(
int argc,
char * argv[]
) {
HRESULT hRslt;
IHello *pHello;
ULONG ulCnt;
IMoniker * pmk;
WCHAR wcsT[_MAX_PATH];
WCHAR wcsPath[2 * _MAX_PATH];

// get object path
wcsPath[0] = '\0';
wcsT[0] = '\0';
if( argc > 1) {
mbstowcs(wcsPath, argv[1], strlen(argv[1]) + 1);
wcsupr(wcsPath);
}
else {
fprintf(stderr, "Object path must be specified\n");
return(1);
}

// get print string
if(argc > 2)
mbstowcs(wcsT, argv[2], strlen(argv[2]) + 1);
else
wcscpy(wcsT, L"Hello World");

printf("Linking to object %ws\n", wcsPath);
printf("Text String %ws\n", wcsT);

// Initialize the OLE libraries
hRslt = CoInitializeEx(NULL, COINIT_MULTITHREADED);

if(SUCCEEDED(hRslt)) {


hRslt = CreateFileMoniker(wcsPath, &pmk);
if(SUCCEEDED(hRslt))
hRslt = BindMoniker(pmk, 0, IID_IHello, (void **)&pHello);

if(SUCCEEDED(hRslt)) {

// print a string out
pHello->PrintSz(wcsT);

Sleep(2000);
ulCnt = pHello->Release();
}
else
printf("Failure to connect, status: %lx", hRslt);

// Tell OLE we are going away.
CoUninitialize();
}

return(0);
}

Some of the Oracle real life messages...

Q. What if your Dad loses his car keys?
A. 'Parent keys not found!'

Q. What if your old girl friend spots you with your new one?
A. 'Duplicate value on index!'

Q. What if the golf ball doesn't get into the hole at all?
A. 'Value larger than specified precision!'

Q. What if you don't get any response from the girl next door?
A. 'No data found!' or ' Query caused no rows retrieved!'

Q. What if you dial a wrong number?
A. 'Invalid number' or ' Object doesn't exist!'

Q. What if you try to beat your own trumpet?
A. 'Object is found mutating!'

Q. What if you are too late to office and the boss catches you?
A. 'Discrete transaction failed!'

Q. What if you see 'theatre full' when you go to a movie?
A. 'Maximum number of users exceeded!'

Q. What if you don't get table in the lunch room?
A. 'System out of tablespace!'

The Leave Applications

Infosys , Bangalore :
An employee applied for leave as follows:
'Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife , please sanction me one-week leave.'

This is from Oracle Bangalore:
From an employee who was performing the 'mundan' ceremony of his 10 year old son:
'as I want to shave my son's head , please leave me for two days..'


From H.A.L. Administration Dept:
'As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it , please grant me 10 days leave.'

Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:


'Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return , please grant me half day casual leave'

An incident of a leave letter:
'I am suffering from fever , please declare one-day holiday.'

A leave letter to the headmaster:
'As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today'

Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
'As my headache is paining , please grant me leave for the day.'

Covering note:
'I am enclosed herewith...'

Another Note:
'Dear Sir: with reference to the above , please refer to my below...'

Letter writing:
'I am well here and hope you are also in the same well.'

Team Dialogues

(When you join the project) -
"Please don't hesitate to come to me any time for any technical or
domain help"


(When you go to him for help) -
"You can find it out man.... Can't you?
Search in the books, and try to find it out yourself."


(When you 'try to find it out yourself') -
"You can't waste time like this. You should've come to me for help. We
have to deliver .Come to my place"


(When you go to him for help, again) -
"Don't make any changes in the code now. Come up with a document for
impact analysis by lunch"


(When you go to him Just before lunch) -
"So, what have you done since morning? This document? Shall we deliver
this? How many lines of coding did you do?............. See, this is
not the way we should work"


(When you go to him 1 hr after lunch, with a small amount of coding
-that's all what's necessary ) -
"Only this much of coding since morning!!!" (Probably, you could've
added the lyrics of a Hindi song in your code to make it look healthy).
"Change here, ......... change there, ............. Add
here,................ Modify there . Do it NOW"



(When you go to him with the changes suggested by him) -
"Who asked you to do these? Everything's wrong here. See, this is not
the way we should work..............."



(Every 10 minutes) -
"So? What's the status??


Lucky I am not in such a Team....